| Out Hunting |
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| Tuesday, 22 June 2010 | |
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and the mullet still survives... I sit here typing this out with a beer in one hand and another in my crotch and the other banging on the keyboard.I think to myself, when did I become a three armed circus freak? Must have been the redneck rubbed off on me after spending the weekend in the Ozarks. Very nice people down there, but I must tell you I ran in to the greatest bastion of unabashed mullets in quite some time. I'm very in to people watching and that area of the country makes for good sport for me. I'm sorry to say that I was not quick enough on the draw to get photographic evidence of said mullets. I HAVE, however, done my research and pulled up the names of some of the fantastic throwbacks. I did see - The femullet ( female mullet ). They were pretty abundant. I saw a couple of American Trailer Femullets. It's harder to catch them since I wasn't around any trailer parks as far as I knew. I spied what could have been a Dyke Spike. I didn't have time to stop and ask or she might have kicked my ass. Her girlfriend looked pretty rough too. Just sayin'... As far as the guys go, I did pick out a number of Skullets and Overweight Trucker Mullets. As a former owner of a Permullet and a Billy Ray Cyrus Mullet ( the Achy-Breaky Bad Mistakey ), I'm pretty good at picking these things out. I picked out a couple of Mid-Life Mullets and what I believed to be a Roadie Mullet and a number of M.I.P's. For the unmulletized - that's a Mullet in Progress. I know there are several waiting to hear me crack a joke about a former guitar player of ours, but I won't go there. Just mentioning it will make some laugh enough to make it worth it. We also passed up the opportunity to stop at a roadside flea market. I really didn't need the fireworks, Jagermeister or a cold sore all that bad. I said we could just stop at the paper plate factory and stare at the dumpster if I wanted to see that much white trash. [ Gets on Soapbox ] Here's my two cents about Prolife Across America, if I have to see one more of there stupid ass bleeding heart billboards I'm going to take a hostage. It make me want to perform a number of Post-term abortions. Rot in hell while the aborted children skull hump you, control freaks. Was that out of line? Here's another thing that's been bothering me, enviro-nazis. Especially the pro-PETA jackasses that want us to stop eating meat. Here's something I found especially for them - * taken from T-shirt Hell * Editor's 3-Meat Chili Step 1: Mix a 1/2 lb of cubed beef, a 1/2 lb of cubed lamb and a 1/2 lb of cubed pork. Step 2: Feed it to a cow and a lamb. Step 3: Find out where PETA's president, Ingrid Newkirk, lives, cut off a bottlenose dolphin's head and throw it in her shower. Step 4: Set up an octagon in your basement where you pump koalas, pandas and various monkeys full of PCP and make them fight to the death. Loser gets thrown in an incinerator, winner gets thrown in a different incinerator. If you want, you can also put a bunch of guinea pigs in a bathtub and fill it with gas. It won't really help the recipe, but it won't hurt. I laughed so hard reading that I almost coughed up my burger. Why? I guess I'm just really sick in the head. [ Gets down off soapbox ] Just to catch everyone up on the bands - Toybox plays once in July and twice in August. Lasher picks up again this fall. All dates will be listed here. Thanks to everyone that has shown up to support both bands. We really appreciate it. It's been a lot of fun so far. It was a long time off for me and I'm still fighting to get back into the kind of shape I was before taking my break. Thanks for putting up with me.  
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